Always Starting Over?

I’ve noticed something lately that’s really made me take notice and wonder if I’m the only one.  

Every time we go out of town to visit family, or go out camping, or travel, or have a big holiday, I always see that day after we return as a huge DAY ONE. I get into the mindset of “my house is a mess, my life is disaster, I have so many things I want to do and improve, so while we are gone, I will read and ponder and really figure it all out and when we return BOOM! I will be a new person” 

I don’t know why I do this. Obviously, I have never actually followed through with it because I do it again and again. Wherever we are going is usually somewhere busy where we are doing a lot of activities and how do I even think I will have enough time to “think” or “ponder” or “figure it all out”?  

When we go visit family that live a four or so hours’ drive away, I always have huge plans. My husband usually drives so I try to plan to get a lot of reading in. I also hope I can spend some time planning and thinking. Then when we are at our family’s home, I hope to do some reading, stay up later than everyone else and get some quiet time, and not be distracted by my messy home and all the things I need to do there. 

Instead, the car ride is a broken attempt to read while breaking up kid arguments, handing out snacks and drinks, and feeling a little too woozy to read in a moving car. It never works out. Then when we are at our location, we are too busy seeing friends and family and running around. Finally, at night when everyone goes to sleep, it’s usually too late to do much more than fall asleep while the iPad falls on my face multiple times. My kids just don’t go to sleep as early as they used to! 

I had a similar experience when we went camping recently. I love to bring a huge stack of books and magazines I want to get through. I imagine myself reading early in the morning before everyone gets up, snagging the hammock for a quick brainstorming session while staring into the clouds, or busting through some years-old magazines while the kids play in the lake. 

Instead, we stay up too late making s’mores and telling stories around the campfire and then sleep in too late to get in any reading. The hammock never goes unoccupied long enough for mom to grab it. And the lake has paddleboarding and too much other fun (plus way too sunny) to sneak in anything seemingly more productive. 

Finally, there are those longer family vacations when we really get away. Sometimes by plane, sometimes a long car ride. Either way, I still make the same big plans. I’m going to really plan and get myself together this time. I’m going to rest, regroup, and reimagine how my life could look. I’m going to organize my brain and get it all figured out. 

Hell, I’m going to come back a totally new person. 

Am I the only one that thinks this way? That feels like they have so many things to change and improve and reinvent in their lives that they have a grandiose idea that a few days or a week away and they can come back refreshed and renewed and suddenly do all the things and conquer everything and more? That they will come back ready to get up even earlier, tackle even more tasks before the family rises, won’t miss a deadline, will finally have paperwork organized, will be positive and grateful, will keep the house clean and pick up after themselves and read everything and absorb all the best knowledge and then actually implement it and finally find that workout that will keep you healthy and strong while your nutrition is perfect and you actually drink all the water we are supposed to daily? 

No? Just me? 

Maybe it is just me. I guess I like the idea of a fresh start. I always do a ton of planning leading up to the New Year’s Day (omg if it starts on a Monday), the beginning of the school year always feels like a new start, I feel extra energized on the first day of a month, and even Mondays feel good most of the time. This could explain why going on a vacation or being out of the house for a few days gives me that same refreshed feeling that I can start it all over and get it right this time. 

Get it right this time. 

Maybe I will get it right. This time.