Turning Forty

When I was in my twenties, forty seemed so very far away. When I hit my thirties, I was excited. I felt like I was officially “grown up”, I had started having kids and was so happy to be a mom and wife. I felt like an amazing decade was ahead. And it was. And it is now behind me. 

I have to admit, I’m a little nervous going into my forties. I thought it would be no-big-deal and just another birthday, but as it creeps closer, it’s giving me some nerves. 

Big things are happening. Big shifts. I am feeling more myself than I ever have, and I’m finally feeling self-aware enough to look at myself and say “no, not this” and “yes, this”. I’m starting to really listen to what I want (instead of always everyone else no matter what) and these next 10 years are going to be interesting. I’m going to make sure of it! 

Less than a year ago (August I think?), I made a post about how I had create a “40 Before 40” list of 40 thing I wanted to do before I turned forty years old. I have completed five of them. Only FIVE! It’s rather depressing. Looking back over the list, I will say that it would have been INSANE for me to have completed all forty items within the few months I had. Some of those goals on that list I have been trying to accomplish for 10 years and somehow I thought my fortieth birthday would be the kick in the arse I need to get them done finally. Ha! 

Part of the problem was that I didn’t look back on that list very often after I made it, and so I know some of them I could have knocked out if I had remembered to get on them. Another part of the problem is that we are just so busy and it’s only been recently that I’ve started to finally take some time for myself instead of filling every single free second with chores and catch-up work. 

Honestly though, it really does break my heart. I cannot let my next decade of life continue this way. When I turned thirty and knew I was on my way to forty, time seemed so long. However, now I’m going to be forty on my way to fifty, and that’s a huge, huge step. My heart is broken that I accomplished only 5 out of 40 items, and this is where it stops. 

I’m making a pledge here to make my list into a “40+ Things I Do in My Forties” list. I purposely made a few of my goals a shorter version so I could try to fit them in during my 39th year. Instead, now I will update them to the full goal and make my 40s my best decade ever!  Also, I plan to cross off items and then add new ones so that the list keeps on growing!  

I am definitely nervous about this new age I’m turning, I won’t lie, and I guess the only way I know to get through the nerves is to MOVE through them, and to stop waiting! 

Finally, I want to end this post with my top five pieces of advice that I wish I had known when I was thirty: 

1. 1. Don’t. Wait.  Just don’t wait. DO THE THINGS. DO ALL THE THINGS! You are young still and have SO MUCH MORE TIME than you think.  SO much more.  You will never fully understand how much time you have until it’s passed (quickly and silently) through your fingers. So do the things now. Try them. Try it all. Don’t wait. 

2. 2. Workout. I’m telling you now, find some type of workout that you love and do it. Consistently. I didn’t find my favorite workouts until about 5 years ago. I wish I would have started in my twenties. Second best time to start was then, however. Keep healthy. Just last week I tweaked my back, something I tend to do 1-2 times a year, and I’m out for a week. Hurting with every movement. I would tell myself to find a good workout routine, work hard on mobility and flexibility, and definitely focus on your back and core muscles. You’re going to need them. 

3. 3. Don’t settle for shit.  Just don’t settle for it. Don’t settle, period. Life is so long, and you have such limited time. Don’t settle for shitty people, shitty jobs, shitty friends, shitty relationships, shitty food, shitty sleep, shitty anything.  Take each shitty thing, make a how-to-un-shitify list, and get to work fixing it so it’s done. Life is SHORT. Wasting a night here or there with someone that is terrible to you is no big deal. Wasting years of them? No. 

4. 4. You’re going to lose people. You’re going to lose loved ones. You’re going to lose friends. You’re going to walk through this life feeling lonely and hurt. You need to spend time with those that you love and that’s a big one. These people will be gone someday. Or you will. Either way, any moment with them could be your last. Days before I lost a loved one to cancer, I was visiting them for what would be (unknown to me) the last time. I was in a rush. I was hurrying out the door and called up a “goodbye” to them as they were upstairs and couldn’t come down. I will regret it for the rest of my life. A day later, they were gone. Learn from me. Be with your people and love them hard. 

5. 5. Stop worrying. It does nothing. Read “The Untethered Soul” and find your inner self and let the worrying go. Just be. I’m still working on this one, and I didn’t really find the importance in it until recently. Just stop worrying. Take action, or do nothing, but stop the mental chatter about it all. Time will pass either way and worrying will have done nothing.  

I could probably add so many more to this list, but these are the big ones that I know I need to remember as I go into my fortieth year on this planet. 

Thank you for reading. Here’s to another 40 years.