Giving Kids More Responsibility (It’s Possible!)
At any given time, my To Do list is hundreds of items long. Hundreds. That’s another problem for another day, but it does serve as a good reminder that I can’t really do it all. I try, and my list shows I really want to, but something has to give.
When I was growing up, my mom did almost everything for my brother and me. She cooked all our meals, did all the dishes, washed all our clothes, and taxied us to where we needed (or wanted) to go. Yes, I had the job of setting the dinner table every night, and I would do the dishes very sporadically on the off chance that she actually cashed in one of those Mother’s Day coupons I gave her.
Besides those few things, she took care of everything. And when I was finally out on my own in college and then after I graduated, it showed. I had to learn how to tackle laundry, cook something decent for dinner (Tuna Helper anyone??) and handle all the adulting. Being a Type A, I picked it up quickly, but even I recognized that there was soooo much more I could have helped out with when I lived at home and how much my mom really did for us.
Knowing this, I knew when I had kids I wanted things to be a little different. However, it’s been very easy to get sucked into doing everything because it’s “faster” or “easier”. Suddenly, ten years go by and I realize I’m still doing everything as if my kids are toddlers.
Jon Acuff, the author of some of my favorite personal development books, once had a post on his social media about how you need to teach your kids something young…and then give them 10 years to practice it. For example, teach them how to clean up their toys when they are 5 years old and give them 10 years to practice it, resulting in a 15 year old that can clean up after themselves.
Hearing this a few weeks ago was very stressful! I’m so far behind! If I teach my kids skills now, they won’t master them until they are out of my house!
But I still understood the point. This has really prompted me lately to add to the responsibilities I am trying to give my kids. Maybe some of these ideas will help you find more ways to give your kids responsibilities (and for reference, my kids are 9 and 11).
First, they can now both take their plates to the sink after dinner and rinse them off and stick them in the dishwasher. Any plates, bowls, silverware and cups that they used, they get to take care of and put in the dishwasher. This also helps me to make sure I get the clean dishes out of the dishwasher before dinner otherwise they get a “freebie” (which they get really excited about!)
Another task my kids have taken on is to remove their sheets from their beds on “sheet washing day”. One of my least favorite tasks is having to go upstairs, clear off their stuffy-laden beds, and gather their sheets. They can easily do this themselves and it’s great to have that task off my list.
Related to sheets and laundry, I found out my kids could handle putting the clean sheets back on as well. The sheets were done in the dryer and I told my kids they couldn’t do something (most likely screens) until their clean sheets were put on their bed. Suddenly, I hear my son getting the sheets out of the dryer and heading upstairs with the laundry basket. I don’t think I had ever seen him carry a laundry basket before! It was a miracle. My daughter still needs a little help with her sheets since her bed is a little awkward, but they take care of the pillows, comforters, blankets and stuffies. Yay!
This summer, I had a big plan (don’t I always?) to start getting my kids involved with one of my least favorite housework tasks – folding and putting away laundry. I started by showing them how to fold socks and sort their clothes. I decided it was going to be the summer of learning how to do all these tasks! Alas, learning how to fold just didn’t happen.
However, one Saturday a few weeks ago, we had many folded piles of laundry sitting on the laundry-folding-couch waiting to be put away, and my kids asked for something. On a complete whim, I told them they could do it if they put their laundry away. I kid you not, I was completely shocked when my kids grabbed their piles, put them in their laundry baskets, hauled them upstairs, and proceeded to hang up shirts and put folded clothes in drawers. WHAT? I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. What else could they do that I didn’t know about??
Even our mornings are getting easier. I have learned to let go and stop hovering. I posted morning checklists in their rooms so they can remember what they need to do. For my son, he gets his own clothes, takes his shower, and can even do a few breakfast prep items. I lay out clothes for my daughter and she takes care of the rest. They come down ready for breakfast and it’s fantastic.
Getting out the door after breakfast has started to (finally) get easier as well by giving my kids more chances to handler their own shit. At night, at around 8pm, I send them into the mudroom to empty backpacks, check for shoes, and make sure their stuff is ready for the next day. In the morning when it’s time to head out the door, they are responsible for grabbing a snack from the pantry (I try to have pre-made snacks ready but sometimes they even have to pour the crackers into a container themselves).
Life is looking a lot different these days. I used to do all the laundry and put it all away. I would take care of every dinner dish. I would herd them around in the morning, helping them with their clothes, hovering over their teeth brushing, and making sure every item is ready for heading out the door. Now, I’m learning they really can do it if given the chance!
By using baby steps and letting go of my perfectionism, it’s allowed me to take some tasks (even ones I despise!) off my to do list. What about you? Do you give your kids more responsibilities as they get older? Any suggestions for this mom?
